Vulnerability
"Vulnerability sucks". I posted this in my FB status intentionally to see what kinda responses I'd get. its amazing how many people deny it or don't agree to it. Or am I the only one, or one of the few who experience this? After all the responses/replies that i got I'm thinking maybe I'm seeing from a 'leader's' perspective or someone in authority, be it minister, pastor, cg leader, worship leader, etc etc. Perhaps its harder to be vulnerable or to intentionally be vulnerable when you're a leader of some sort. How many of us have truly been in a position of vulnerability? Most of us have been to a certain extend in some vulnerable positions i guess. Best example I can give is GOD. All powerful, all majestic, CREATOR, King of kings, transcendent, omnipresent, beginning and the end, no weakness, flawless, sinless, HOLY, good (there is none good except God). He gave up all of that, became vulnerable, became man, became weak, from Nazareth from where even the people in the bible says "what can anything good come out of Nazareth?"
He became vulnerable to sickness and disease, vulnerable to mockery, scorn, pain, rejection. Now tell me honestly does that suck or not? TO me it sucks to the max. But He did it all for love. It costs Him something to save us. In fact it cost Him everything to save all creation and humanity. Unless you're some masochist or love pain or something, you gotta be honest that it sucks to be in a vulnerable position.
I made a mistake recently, not a huge one, few days ago I lost my coolness during a game of table tennis. I got upset at my doubles partner and then not long after I noticed the atmosphere changed all coz I got too competitive. My friends were not laughing and having as much fun as before. AFter some reflection I felt horrible. I exposed my weakness and was afraid of what others would think of me. I was afraid of people finding out about my flaws, the negative sides of me. I was vulnerable. It sucked. I always want to improve on being a person spiritually, physically, emotionally, holistically. And when that happened, i noticed how insecure i am. How much i rely on what other's perceive of me was how I valued myself. Most of us do I believe. We all long for recognition, love, compliments, we like to feel we're in control. But when we lose all that, that's when we're in a position of vulnerability.
I feel for all the martyrs and those who gave their lives, sacrificed something at some point for a good cause. Good and great results may have come out of those events, but if you're in that position, it really sucks! if you get raped for trying to save your loved one tell me if that doesn't suck? if you get thrown into prison for being wrongly accused tell me that doesn't suck? truth is vulnerability sucks. But Jesus became vulnerable, and for that reason alone, may God give us strength when we face such situations! or even better, to willingly and intentionally be vulnerable just as He was.
Ok time to sidetrack. My crush feelings died a little since I did not see her the whole day yesterday. Which I knew would happen (that the feelings would die). But today I saw her again and wow my heart beat shot up to 500 mph! insane! arghhh concentrate!! gotta finish another book now :D
15 June 2011 - The day I got another piece of art, its so beautiful!